I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
