how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
