Say something about gay babies.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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