What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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