dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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