I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
