i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
