you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found puke in my bra..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
