you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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