Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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