dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
