Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize