went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
