I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
