i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
