wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
