If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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