ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
