i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
