i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
