She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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