he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
