That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
