...so i touched it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
