Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
