It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
