I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
