i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
