he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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