I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
