I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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