The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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