so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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