Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
