I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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