Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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