The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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