You're completely useless in the revolution.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
