I CAN MOONWALK!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
