Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
