kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize