I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
