I think my vagina is haunted
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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