You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
