i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
