lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
