I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
