My underwear smells like fireworks.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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