hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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