I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
