Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I CAN MOONWALK!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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