if only i could text you this smell
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize