"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
