i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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