Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize