God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
