I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
