3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
