So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
