just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
