worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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