scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
