What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
