Michael Bay diarrhea
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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